Strange sex acts
Far too many people have been asking me to address an issue they feel will positively affect their sex lives if attended to. In this installment, I thought I will be on an extremely serious topic, but pressure from those who think I should address an entirely different issue is swaying me in a different direction.
Many years ago, after addressing a crowd on the art of having good sex, a woman whose face I can barely remember approached me and called me to the discrete side. She would soon reveal that her man screams in bed to the disturbance of neighbors. He does this not only when reaching orgasm but throughout the entire session of sex. This means the poor lady who is concerned about possible bad publicity concentrates on the humiliating impact of the scream instead of enjoying intercourse. She wanted to know whether there’s anything that can be done to silence this man’s notorious behavior of screams. Although I took this lightly and dealt with the matter as casually as I could, I have decided after nearly forty other people approached me concerning the same issue that this is no laughing matter. At first, I laughed, when I heard it. “What does he say when he shouts during intercourse?”,I asked. As the woman related to me how his man shouts “baby, don't stop”, I tried to put on a serious face but chuckled deep within my heart.
Of late many other people relate even more bizarre things that people do in bed. Things like sucking someone’s neck until it has red spots all over. And when relatives, somebody’s mother for instance look at her child’s neck, she wonders what happened. They normally ask. And the answers are blue lies indeed. A coverup for someone with inconsiderate vampire tendencies. The act is normally terrible when it comes to "yellow bone skin" cause it appears pellucid due to huge contrast arising from red patches of blood.
But there are more tendencies done by people to their lovers. For some unknown reasons, some people suck others’ ears during intercourse. They suck so hard it almost feels like they going to pull out the eardrum.They lick everything including the ear wax. A friend of mine related to me months ago how his lady, a grown woman sucked his ears to the core. As the sucking got intense, he lost concentration on the intercourse and focused on his seemingly perishing ear.heheh.Sorry, I know this should be a blog post, but am almost laughing. His woman who seemed to be at the zenith of lovemaking stuck to this ear and would not leave it. As sex goes through a lot of modification, our young ones have introduced licking. Recently I laughed after watching a movie about a guy who had been married for two decades. By the time he divorced he found that sex had changed. He went out with a girl and during sex, the girl licked his buttocks clean. Afraid and shocked by this bizarre act, he consulted his friends, and they told him “nigga, you’ve been married too long man, licking a chick’s butt is standard, and she has to lick yours too. Everybody does it. Where have you been dude?”
It appears so many crazy things happen during sex and because such things cannot be classified as rape, those who do them feel comfortable.
”My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex once to try and milk my boobs. He used to work on a dairy farm. He started making a weird milking motion and weird sounds and started laughing. I was like, "What the f*** is happening, I am not a cow." — Katie, 22
"I had a guy accidentally elbow me in the face once and give me a bloody nose. He said, "You're fine," and kept going." — Emily, 22
I had a guy who would roll his eyes in the back of his head. Think Bone Thugs N Harmony "Crossroads" video. Weirdest shit to ever look up to. So I kept my eyes closed because the sex itself was good. — Caroline, 29
"I once started hooking up with a guy and he reached into his nightstand. I assumed it was to get a condom, but he was pulling out a DIY catheter kit. Apparently, that turned him on. Needless to say, I bounced ASAP." — Leah, 27
You see, certain things no matter how stylish they may seem are uncomfortable. While inserting fingers into the ear may be pleasurable, pressing them hard is painful. Biting off a woman nipples or sucking them too much is torture. Most women have kept this to themselves for fear of hurting their man’s feelings.
I hear some people even fart uncontrollably during sex. Although such conduct is not mentioned in the penal code, doing that can cause a person to lose appetite for sex and eventually divorce.
Fisting. Fisting is the art of inserting a whole hand into a woman’s vagina. It is a stunt which porn actors often pull to show good they are at what they do. As I always mention, there is no wisdom in doing all you see in blue movies because blue movies are movies. Everything is done with the pretense of pleasure. If you do fisting on your lady soon you will be complaining that the vagina is too loose as some normally do. But laying all that aside, the gist of my writing today serves to plead with those who have strange sexual behaviors to be mindful of their lovers. Stop screaming too loud, violently licking people’s ears, and urinating on your lover without warning or consent or at least empathy. Imagine someone leaving the lips, vagina and goes for armpits to lick and suck them. Am I too old fashioned to understand modern sex? And it's not only men who do such things. Some women tend to kiss a man by sucking out of his breath like mechanics normally does on a sick carburetor. Spanking irrationally is also a problem. Making her drink your sperms? You can’t run a home by doing a blue movie stunt.
Some people defecate(shit) during sex. Anyway, that's for the future when we talk about masochism.
Now when dealing with a partner who acts strangely in bed, don’t scold at them or be judgemental. Engage in a decent talk and try to understand why she or he does that. Tell the person your side politely without wounding their ego.“If your partner is into something you’re not, don’t bring shame into the discussion,” says sex therapist Carla Rosinski, MA, LMHC. “We have enough baggage about sex as it is. Just as with any communication in a relationship, you want both you and your partner to feel safe to talk about feelings and desires without judgment. If your partner brings up something you’re not into and not willing to try out, be kind and honest about it. Or just take the risk and experiment!”
You see, it's very important to communicate with your spouse. Don’t just act out of pleasure while disregarding consent. I understand that sex is good but pulling somebody’s ear, urinating on them, hard spanking, and deep kissing frightens some people. Licking armpits and penetrating the anus without consent terrifies our lovers. Please let's be as considerate and consensual as possible.
K.A. Bareki is the author of sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org