Marrying or Dating someone for what they have
One of the most exciting days in my juvenile years was when we were not required to wear school uniforms. That day was also not a day of attending school lessons. Instead of the norm, we were gathered in a classroom to watch lady Ruth and Seretse Khama’s film entitled “a marriage of inconvenience”.Strangely, today I am on the issue of marriages of convenience and their impact on sex and romance.
A marriage of convenience normally occurs because one in the couple or both people want to take advantage of each other and marry for gain. In typical instances, a woman gets married to a guy not because she loves him but because she loves what the guy owns. So in this instance, technically speaking, she gets married to his property. Today’s men who are a deterioration of the historical perception of men do the same, they marry women for their money. The marriage thus exists entirely on the basis that it’s financially convenient. Contrary to Ruth and Seretse's marriage, which was a marriage of inconvenience what we have nowadays is a marriage of convenience. In America, people marry others because they want the green card or they want a residence permit.
The arrangement as long as it is deliberate and intentional, shouldn’t be a problem to its executors although it remains a menace to society and the institution of marriage from an integrity standpoint.The problem arises when one in the couple is not aware that the whole "marriage" exists because of money or property she or he has and comes to our office seeking to fix a marriage that has never existed. Worse still, some people married each other for money, prestige, or nationality but get shocked when they experience no love or sex in the relationship.
Some people marry others because they feel late and want to marry to hide from the shame of failing to meet society’s marital deadlines. Have you ever thought about it? Some people marry to conceal that they are gay.
The scenarios look all too familiar that I am wondering what makes those who fall victim to this absurdity not to realize it from the beginning if they don’t want such marriages. When an old old old man of 78 marries a young lady who is only 28, what do they expect? The lady is eying something that her peers don’t have and that is wealth. Very obvious might be the fact that this guy can’t sex to expectation. His erection is weak but his wallet is thick. Young ladies who often tend to marry a person older than their fathers simply because the state has no law against it normally stress these old lads by expecting vigorous sex. It can’t be love that drives such an arrangement. love is considerate.
Then we have these very broke, in fact, always broke guys who marry women with high paying jobs. In most cases, these guys marry these women for money. And the women are crazily in love with a man they have to constantly help with taxi fare. They think it’s rational that he loves them for who they are. In a true relationship, a man can go broke. It's normal. But some men are scrubs. They marry women for money, and while she sees a husband, the guy sees himself as a male sex worker. When the money runs dry, the male sex worker starts having problems, and if you are good at noticing, you will know what the problem is.
Normally, men or women who marry people for their wealth share one thing in common. They deplete their accounts and drown their lovers into debt. They drive the relationship into poverty because instead of generating more wealth, they are there to consume, mismanage, and suck their lover dry. When there’s no money, they don’t mind leaving. Today so many men claim they will never marry a woman who doesn’t work and yet they are jobless. This statement sounds like the confession of a parasite. A man who has a decent job and doesn’t want to marry a jobless woman has a point but a man who is jobless and talks of marrying a rich woman is probably a conscious parasite.
We have many foreigners as well who propose to women because they are tired of immigration office stress. They're tired of being deported. And they meet up with women who are stressed by a fruitless male search. So, they marry for convenience, in this case, the woman genuinely thinks she has found her catch, a man of substance and the man knows he has found his immigration papers.
Normally, the victims will say, “I have been giving him money since we met when we met he was poor. I took a loan to help him. He took our farm and sold it. He sold my car am now walking. He refuses with my salary and …” And from the whole story, you can tell that this is a parasite sucking its host clean.
And when it comes to divorce, here is this guy fighting for child custody, not because he loves his kids, but because he wants his wife to pay maintenance. I am not talking about a woman, I am talking about a man who will still phone his ex-wife and say “don’t you have $20, I need to buy something to eat?”.
Marriages of convenience affect sex & intimacy. The sex stops after a “lover” gets what they want. And lovers, especially readers of my book, sex & intimacy 101, come to see me because they think marriage has gone sour and needs the advice of an author. Unfortunately, technically speaking, that’s not a marriage. Its a marriage in terms of legal documentation. People who marry people for belongings or status normally find people they truly love as the marriage goes on, and they take their spouses' belongings to their true love.
That’s what you will keep on hearing. There have been instances where a man said to a woman, “if don’t sell this plot then you don’t love me”.And because it is hard to fall in love and be wise at the same time, the woman sold her plot. The sad part is that relatives had been complaining. Normally, when a guy or lady is in love, ears seize to function. Only the heart pumps. When eyes open, tears become the order of the day.
Should one divorce when they find themselves in this trap? Pamela Hang PhD of Psychology Today puts it this way, “If you're thinking of divorce, it might be the best path. There isn't a generic right answer to the heart's complexities, although we're advised often that there is. But, before you divorce from the marriage of convenience, look around your shared dwelling, and life, and imagine the post-marriage world. Notice the things, routines, and banal conversations you have with your partner. Things will need to be divided, sold, and/or replaced; chores handled easily will have to get discussed and coordinated. Hassles fulminate where none existed before over violin lessons and immunizations. Discussion to resolve picayune matters now involves excessive texting. Pets, to say nothing of children, don't split 50/50. Costly new households get established, and some never recover financially”.
K.A. Bareki is the author of sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at email@example.com